An epiphany*

*Or why I don’t have a Smiles and Promises Week 7 entry 

“Carlo, I’m so tired.”

I just had to say it. He knew I love my work and I love it despite the long hours, so the short sentence must’ve caught him off-guard.

But it’s true: I was just so tired last week. It’s not the nothing’s-working-out kind of tired; I was just, honest-to-goodness, physically tired. And I had to tell someone.

Hala. Matagal na ‘to?” he asked, and then I went on to rant – conservatively so, if I may add. It was already my second time ranting to a friend that week, and I don’t feel any less tired after, so I tried to dial it down for my sanity’s sake.

Last Friday night, I was walking home after working at a nearby coffee shop, when suddenly I had this sinking feeling.

It was a long work day, I was alone, and suddenly, everything just felt meaningless.

It’s not the first time I had this kind of epiphany, so I knew exactly what to do, as I had always done whenever it happens: Purge.

The day after, I skipped a concert I’ve long wanted to go to since last month. I cleaned up the house, deleted two social media accounts, trimmed down my to-watch list, and decluttered my Apple Music.

It was therapeutic, getting rid of unnecessary things that took much of my time. The reason for the purge is simple: I no longer want to be that 25-year-old who wastes her time on things that have no eternal value.

Maybe I’ve been especially tired lately because I’ve been wasting more time than usual: at one point, I was even watching 6 ongoing dramas in a week. Imagine that.

I was not making time to cook, eat healthily, exercise, and actually live life. Maybe that’s the problem – maybe I’m the problem. And when you’re the problem, no one else can solve it but you.

This is my solution (for now).

2 thoughts on “An epiphany*

  1. Missed dropping by your blog, ate Jee! ❤ I hope you find the strength that you need. I was also feeling really tired last night, but more of the nothings-working-out kinda tired lol. I think this one is the better kind of tired. Haha.

    • Krishna!!! I miss talking to you!!! Let’s catch up soon please at kwentuhan mo ako what’s making you feel the nothing’s-working-out kind of tired when I see your posts and feel like you actually have a lot going on in life??? I feel nga like you have so much energy whereas these days I feel more and more lola haha wait okay ang haba na ng reply ko. Catch up!!!

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