Reflecting on my lack of reflection

I only have 30 minutes left in my Christmas, but I won’t try rewatching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind anymore, as per Christmas tradition. Instead, I’m going to spend the next hour or so doing what I rarely did this year.

2014 was a year filled with possibilities. Countless times, the Lord took me out of my comfort zone because my stubborn self kept coming back. Still, 2014 and I had a great run, although I could use some improvement in many areas.

For starters, no matter how hard I tried, I still lacked in the reflection department this year. I’ve always valued reflection because it allows me to assess myself so I can work on my many flaws and issues. But this year, except for that week-long vacation leave last August, I hardly stopped.

I could blame it on the nature of my work, but I know deep down it was always a conscious decision in my part. Most of the time, I choose not to stop, I choose not to look back, and I choose to just let days and weeks and months pass by.

That way, I don’t get attached and involved, and I’m not obliged to care. There, I said it.

And so, it numbed me. As I spent less and less time reflecting, reading the Bible, or just writing in a blog or journal, I stopped caring about a lot of things, even people. Many decisions were made in vain, without purpose and direction. I took life one day at a time, and I’m not saying that’s bad, but in the long run, I lost sight of what I wake up for. Days and nights became routine, and the drive was sometimes there, sometimes gone.

2014 went by very quickly. I managed to keep up, but only for the sake of keeping up.

I told my best friend Kai that my mantra for next year is participating in life. For next year, I’m going to be intentional. There won’t be room for being passive, neutral, mediocre, or lukewarm. If I don’t burn with passion – at work, in my ministries, relationships, quiet time – there’s no point to my existence.

You know what? I don’t need to wait for 2015. I’m going to start participating in life, and it begins Right. About. Now.


christmas

Today: A quick coffee shop date with Kuya

 Hi I’m Jee. I love coffee and spending time with people in coffee shops.
My fearless prediction is that 2015 will rock my socks.
I used to overshare a lot via this blog, but life got in the way.
Now, let me try again.
The beauty with life is that we get nth chances
as long as there’s another day.

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