The Things I Regret

  • Going through one of the toughest times of my life (almost) alone, and in effect, putting up walls between myself and people.  Even now, two years after, I still find it tough letting people come “too close” not out of fear or anything, but because more than I admit, that season of my life changed me, and it doesn’t look like a good kind of change.
  • Not writing enough while I was teaching, the effect of which I dread now that I’m in a writing profession. I do not blame teaching and the workload that came with it; I blame my lack of drive to write back then.  I should have just written when I wanted to, but the problem was that I did not want it enough, badly enough.
  • Late nights like these, because when I wake up early in the morning I’m grumpy, what with the little sleep I get regularly. I hate you, body clock.
  • Letting go of my monthly plans. That used to keep me on track with life–at least for the first half of the year. I’d like to think it kept me disciplined, too.
  • Not owning my mandate and my purpose in life for the past two months (going three). I’m lukewarm in so many aspects of my life–maybe even in most–I don’t even blog about my life anymore. You know you’re not doing well when you’re not even interested in writing down your own life for future reference. (But I’m changing that, starting tonig…err…today).
  • Becoming pessimistic–yes, contrary to popular belief.

I’ve said too many promises I never keep because I only say them to myself and never jot them down. I won’t count this as another promise, but rather, an evidence of presence. I was here, I wrote this down, and it doesn’t matter if hardly anything changes tomorrow. Tonight, these are my thoughts. Tonight, I am full of regrets.

Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad.

2 thoughts on “The Things I Regret

  1. Pingback: After everything, thank you 2013 | A Stroke of Grace

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