The Whore

I was the whore who took You for granted. I chased after lovers, vowed to break it off with them, but ran after them anyway. You knew the state I was in–my wretchedness, my unfaithfulness–but You chose me still.

And You love me–oh how You love me! You were furious when I laid my eyes on another, and You burned with hot jealousy, but only because your love is real.

Mine wasn’t. I accepted Your love, but I was too selfish to reciprocate. I enjoyed the attention You gave me, the affection You showed me, and the security You assured me with. But I did not have the heart nor the energy to love You back with the same zeal as Yours. I’d look You in the eye, and I’d see how big a work it is  to love You back. So I did what my finite heart could at least afford to do: love something else, someone else.

People, and their fleeting feelings. Things, cold and bare, without the kind of warmth Your love offers. There is no allure to all these, and yet they took my eyes off of You. You were–are–more beautiful than everything in this world combined, and either I did not stare at that beauty enough to stay, or I was scared that Your beauty would do it for me–captivate me away from my lovers.

My heart was faint, my love was weak. Why would You love such a woman? I did not have the strength to love You back the way You love me. But despite all these, You have relentlessly shown Your love to me. No matter how long it took me to get home from my escapades with lovers, You patiently waited for me. And whenever I would get home, You would welcome me like I’ve never been away at all.

Lord, I know it: Your love is better than life. I know it well. May You daily captivate my heart with such passionate love that everything this world can offer would lose its glitz and glamour in my eyes. I want to love You back, and while I know I can never love You the way You love me, at least let me try loving You the way You deserve to be loved.

At least this, I think I could do. Especially because You loved me first.

2 thoughts on “The Whore

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