I joined the 5-Day Silent Retreat not to solve any problem, nor to make sense of my four year-stay in the Ateneo. I joined so I can talk to God, one on one, in the stillness, in the silence, where worry for the future and pains of the past do not belong.
The last five days were very refreshing, and my heart is very much filled with joy right now, for I have rediscovered Jesus in a very personal way, and He assured me of His love. One of the most memorable experience out of the retreat was the day when I dealt with two extreme emotions: joyful, because to be a friend of Christ, I realized, is one of the best things, if not the best thing, in life; and heavyhearted: to follow Christ is very painful because of the possibility of disappointing Him. And really, that’s the last thing I want to do, after all these years putting Him aside time and again.
But His final message for me made me speechless: I LOVE YOU, JEE. Basta, mahal Kita. Don’t worry about disappointing Me, or even trying to win Me as a friend. Mahal na Kita. Wala nang makakapagpabago nun.
So, instead of a verse, I’ll end this entry with the poem I wrote during the last day of the retreat. I’m no poet, but somehow these words just came to me. In the silence, He was there. Surely in the noise He will be, too.
This is Jesus, my Jesus. And He loves me nonstop.
Una by Jee Y. Geronimo
Una Mo akong hinanap bago ko pa man simulang tanungin: ‘Nasaan Ka’?
Una Mo akong tinawag bago ko pa man maalalang andyan Ka pala
Una Mo akong pinili bago ko pa man bigkasin ang salitang oo
Una Mo akong tinanggap bago pa man Kita tanggapin sa puso ko
Una Mo akong tiningnan kahit kay tagal ko ring nagbulag-bulagan
Una Mo akong pinakinggan kahit mga dalangin ko’y puro pansarili lamang
Una Mo akong nilapitan kahit tugon ko’y papalayo sa Iyong bisig
Una Mo akong minahal kahit ‘di maintindihan ng aking isip
At nang aking tanungin kung bakit:
‘Bakit wala Kang kasingkulit?’
Sa sagot Mo ako’y natahimik:
“Hindi Ako titigil hanggang ika’y bumalik”