Yesterday my batch (Batch 2012) had this event called Paglunsad. It was one of a two-part series on sending the seniors off, much like that Sending-Off Banquet ceremony back in high school. It was a great event–the hosts were so funny and entertaining–but the entire time it felt like torture to me. I wanted to get out of there as soon as the event ended. It was suffocating. I don’t know why, but a sudden surge of emotions just swept over me.
I don’t want to graduate yet, but at the same time I do. Magulo ba? I think so too. It’s just too confusing. At the start of the event I was still laughing with the hosts, but as it continued I was already feeling bad. I was sad, then mad, then regretful. I felt like my four-year stay in that university was a joke. I felt deprived, robbed off of something I can’t point my fingers at. It was unfair, to be leaving with these feelings.
I know in my heart that for the most part of my college life I was happy. Finding the right people to be friends with, learning the ins and outs of the career path I want to take, and liking someone–put it all together and you have the perfect recipe for a perfect college life. I guess there’s still this last year to count, so I can’t just exist for this entire year. I need to live it. I need to make the most out of what I could get, what I could have, what I could experience. Life–college life–still has a lot to offer me, and my formula might not be complete anymore, but what was lost is just one of the many things I’m taking out of college with me.
Feelings are fleeting, like the wind, so I hope these feelings of regret fly away and never come back anymore.
For this last stretch in my college life, here’s a Bible verse to remind myself:
“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” [1 Peter 3:3-4]
It’s gonna be an epic semester. I just feel it. 🙂