The Lord is breaking me in every way possible. He’s tearing all my defenses down, taking me out of my comfort zone, and giving me a doze of my own medicine. Like all of these had to happen so I’d learn to stand on my own again. On my own. So I can trust in Him completely. No inhibitions. No half-cooked surrenders. Just the Lord and I, standing face to face. He doesn’t want me to see myself as this mess of a person, thrown all over the place with no certainty of the future ahead. He doesn’t want me to nurse this pain. He doesn’t want me to stay feeling bitter, hurt and rejected. He has a great plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11), but it can only come into fruition if I learn to come to Him (verse 12).
He has stripped me of my glory, and taken the crown from my head. He breaks me down on every side, and I am gone; My hope He has uprooted like a tree. [Job 19:9-10]
He is stripping me of all of these things so that I can make Him my only hope. I will get there. I really will. Maybe all I need is more time, and a slap in the face to wake me from a dream that I have dreamt too early on. I have to be waken up, because maybe He wants me to live in my reality first, before basking in the beautiful things that I’ve seen and tasted in my dreams.