I guess it isn’t an accident that I’m not doing quite much for my OJT this week. At first I was complaining; so much idle time, it just doesn’t feel good on the insides. Sure, I marathoned 49 Days and Smiling Pasta, but at the end of the day, when my eyes are already too tired to watch, I wouldn’t close it. Only two things would occur: either I shed tears, or I stare into nothingness. Not healthy at all.
Events of the past few days are enough to keep me from functioning. These are both issues I’ve struggled with for the past months. These are things I’ve prayed to God about numerous times. My heart sank, crashed and burned over these problems. Let’s just say this week happened to be some sort of a commencement rite, if you will.
But hey, the Lord still loves me. He really does. Despite all that I’ve done–all the failures, all the letdowns.
What grace! What love! These things, I am aware of them whenever I’m in church, or when I’m leading my cellgroup, or when I’m blogging. Especially when I’m blogging. But once problems arise, these problems tend to blur the great view I always have of Jesus, of Love, of Grace. Like a heavy tinted curtain blocking a window that is overlooking to nature: oceans, mountains, blue skies, green trees. Beauty in its purest form.
I believe the Lord is telling me again to look only to Him. Because He isn’t joking when He said He’s more than enough. And that He alone can satisfy.
Tonight there were two things which reminded me of that Love:
- Everyday Isa’s Life Is Too Long To Be Spent Thinking You Are Alone (You’re Not.) – In which she reminds everyone (including me) that we are loved. No matter where we are, what we are, who we are, why we are…we are loved. Immensely, at that. And if you know it’s God who’s loving you, then you cannot be mistaken. He’s got a great love, that once you’ve experienced it, it will surely take your breath away.
- While browsing the net, texting people, watching Love You and being great at multitasking all at the same time, the Lord suddenly impressed a line of one of Chris Tomlin’s songs: How can I keep from singing Your praise? I was awestruck. I dropped everything, looked for a video, listened to it, and voila: TEARS. Tears because I was overwhelmed that at such a time as this, a Great Lover even took notice of me–a sinner, unworthy of any affection from God Himself.
I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing ’cause You pick me up
Sing ’cause You’re there
I can sing ’cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I’ll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne
Yes, I am still standing. But by the grace of God. Because of Him, I can sing in the troubled times. And nothing, no one, not even problems can keep me from singing.