My history dictates that when that word comes into picture, there is no more point in hoping.
I have failed yet again.
But then, maybe this time history will not repeat itself. This is rather tiring. I don’t want any of this, nor do I want to be childish all over again.
My only prayer is this: take this away if it’s not from You, Lord.
Or better yet: I want to look to You alone, Father. Let it be that my heart will seek only what is in Your heart. I want no one but You.