This is me ending what seems to be my greatest fear ever since grade 6 happened.
I need not recount what happened back in 6th grade, nor should I recount the years after that. I’m guessing if you are my friend (and I hope you are, because you’re reading this) you’d know what I suffered through back when I was younger. Ok, so maybe it really wasn’t so much of a suffering compared to other kids out there, but it still left a scar in my heart. Yes, I’m being emo. :>
This is my attempt at leaving it all in the past. This is me taking a shot at forgiving completely and forgetting completely. This is me laying down all my fears at the feet of Jesus.
I am convinced that there is no fear in love, and that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). That’s even the title of my blog, if you still haven’t noticed. But I always have these tendencies to grab attention, to ask for it, just because I was once deprived.
And so, in the process, I have hurt too many people. You see, friendships should always involve giving and taking, or so I believe, and for the most part I know I’ve been the one taking. Ha, and to think I always complain about me giving. Not only lately have I noticed how selfish I can be when it comes to other people. Not that I want to be the center of the attention, really, but at least I want to be included.
I do not want to be left-behind, rejected.
The Lord has been pointing out this bad attitude of mine. I always reason out that it’s because of my love language (Quality Time), but I finally figured it all out. I do not have any right to be this selfish. I can’t always have what I want, and I can’t always think about myself. So what if I find myself walking alone, eating alone, studying alone? Is there anything to be afraid about? Did my God leave me just because everybody did? No!
Not that I’m saying people are leaving me. No. It’s just, I know they have their own lives too, and I can’t always bother them to care about mine. I have to take responsibility for this life. I have to learn to live my life without always depending on others.
God whispers, “But you have Me, Joy. You’re not alone.”
Hello, low self-esteem. We meet again. But this time, you won’t defeat me. I won’t bow down to you. I have become stronger now, and my faith will take me places now. My relationship with my Father gives me the strength to endure your everyday mockery. You have nothing against me, for my Father is greater.
And if I am with God, then nothing can stand against. Not you, past. You don’t stand a chance with my God.