a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
I can list down quite a lot of people whose writing voice I envy. I’m turning 3 years in this news writing business but sometimes I think I haven’t found mine yet. Maybe it’s true, some people have the gift, and some people just make it happen – writing for hours on end because they want to keep being referred to as a writer, even when the words do not always come and the blinking cursor mocks them every day.
My personal e-mail is subscribed to quite a number of newsletters from people brave enough to write about their personal lives and braver, even, to share it to strangers. I don’t read everything they send my way, but I don’t delete the e-mails either. When I get the urge, I open some of them and read away, often wondering where they get the time to write beautiful prose, and why I can’t, for the life of me, write as breathtakingly as they do.
I am my worst critic, I know. And a realist, too.
My love affair with words began with notebooks
I’d pick up a blank one lying around the house
And bring it with me everywhere
To school, where the hours are long
To church, where a Sunday is too short
I’d write about whatever comes to mind
What I ate, who I saw, what I felt
What I want, who I want, why I want him
The heart longs what it longs, who it longs
And back in the day, I didn’t know how to refuse
My love affair with words is tricky
It comes and goes, then comes again
I write for a living, but I don’t write about how I live
What I live for, who I live for, why I live
I wish I could be that girl again
Notebook in one hand, pen in another
Both hands smeared with ink
Can’t stop writing, won’t stop writing
Because any day written down on a notebook
Is a good day
Iyak ako ng iyak kanina pang madaling araw. Nanghihinayang ako na hindi kita nakita noong Pasko, na ‘di kita nayakap at nakamusta. Sabi ni Mama nagwo-worship ka pa sa mga huling sandali mo, at ‘di na ako nasurpresa.
Kasi ganun ka, laging nakangiti kahit madaming trabaho sa bahay, kahit makukulit ‘yung mga batang tinuturuan mo, kahit noong malaman mong may sakit ka na. Ang higpit ng kapit mo sa Kaniya, at pinahanga mo talaga ako kung paano kang lumaban nitong mga nakaraang taon.
Lagi kitang maaalala dahil mahal na mahal kita, Ate Bebe. Ang sakit, pero at least ‘di ka na nasasaktan, diba? Nagpapasalamat ako sa buhay mo, na nakasama ka namin ng matagal nina Mama, Papa, at Kuya. Mahal na mahal ka namin, at ‘di namin makakalimutan lahat ng ginawa mo para sa Langgam, sa mga bata doon, at sa iba pang mga batang buong puso mong pinagsilbihan.
‘Di ko makakalimutan ‘yang ngiting ‘yan.
“I will live a child in awe of You.”
Alam ko na ‘to, matagal na, pero gusto ko pa rin sanang maniwala sa kabutihan ng bawat tao.
Naniniwala pa rin naman ako roon, pero naniniwala na rin ako na sa pinakakaibuturan ng tao, talagang makasarili siya.
Na sinasabi ko ‘to dahil sa naging karanasan ko ngayong linggo ay makasarili rin.